2020-04-17 R-A-P-E humor

EMPLOYEE NOTICE

Due to the current financial situation caused by the Corona Virus and

slowdown in the economy, the Government has decided to implement a scheme to

put workers of 50 years of age and above on early, mandatory retirement,

thus creating jobs and reducing unemployment.

This scheme will be known as RAPE (Retire Aged People Early).

Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to the Government to be considered

for the SHAFT program (Special Help After Forced Termination).

Persons who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed under the SCREW

program (System Covering Retired-Early Workers).

A person may be RAPED once, SHAFTED twice and SCREWED as many times as the

Government deems appropriate.

Persons who have been RAPED could get AIDS (Additional Income for Dependents

& Spouse) or HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel Early Severance).

Obviously persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTED or SCREWED any

further by the Government.

Persons who are not RAPED and are staying on will receive as much SHIT

(Special High Intensity Training) as possible. The Government has always

prided themselves on the amount of SHIT they give our citizens.

Should you feel that you do not receive enough SHIT, please bring this to

the attention of your TD, who has been trained to give you all the SHIT you

can handle.

Sincerely,

The Committee for Economic Value of Individual Lives (E.V.I.L.)

PS - Due to Corona Virus, recent budget cuts and the rising cost of

electricity, gas and oil, as well as current market conditions, The Light at

the End of the Tunnel has been turned off.